Hangover Medication

Waking up the next afternoon from a seven hour drug fueled afterparty, the best way to get rid of that hangover and the shakes is to gather up whatever remaining drugs you have left and just roll them all up into one massive joint that you can share with whoever you woke up with and/or is still alive that is not a donkey, and then go get some pho.

As a recap:

normal 0.3g marijuana joint
add a dash of cocaine or heroin, or both if that's your thing
whatever prescriptive opiates should be crushed up at this point and sprinkled in.
Mix the leftover ecstasy into your orange juice
Pho

Sleep Deprivation & You

Some insomniacs sit in bed and count sheep until they fall asleep. I sit in bed and count how many people there are in this world who are eviller than i am; I can only think of maybe seven on a good night and my doctor's say i need to broaden my qualifications or else i'll never sleep.

I Killed a Deer Today as I Was Jogging Through the Woods.

What had happened was that I got tired of it chasing me around, so i turned around and, just like I was taught in the many dirty club fights i've been in, i punched it in the snout and simultaneously elbowed it in the neck in one fatal move. I was quite proud of my victory and my dad enjoyed the brief changes that were made to the menu. Deer, the other furry cotton-tailed meat.

A Good, Firm Criminal Background.

While everyone else in the 8th grade was learning to shoplift, I was out in the mall parking lot hotwiring their parents cars and parking them on the opposite side of the mall. Just like when you put your kids into sports, it's good to get a head start on the competition at a young age and place your kids into more advanced lessons than they should be able to handle.

Night Terrors

Sometimes i wake up in the morning and say "Fuck it, I'm going out tonight!!" Usually about a week later I somehow straggle home.

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That's Music To My Prostate!

Not Caring isn't gay but when he sits on a subwoofer at a club he totally understands.